Why Amazon Unbox Sucks Ass

As you probably don't know, Amazon has a service called Unbox, which is supposed to let you purchase and download digital video content. I gave it a whirl. My whole experience sucked. It sucked so hard I want to tell you all about it.

It all started with a guilty pleasure known as HGTV. I'm a closet HGTV fan. Well, I suppose I'm out of the closet now.

I started watching HGTV when I canceled my Time Warner Cable account back in Raleigh. I had sold my big-ass 51" Sony rear projection HDTV in preparation for a move to NYC. Even though the cable was canceled, for some reason we still received a few channels (Food Network, Cartoon Network, and yes, HGTV). I would catch House Hunters while eating dinner (since I had probably already seen whatever was on Food Network, or Rachel Ray was just getting on my nerves, and Cartoon Network, with the exception of some of the Adult Swim lineup, is pretty whack for the 20-something set - yes, whack, as in wiggity-whack).

Before long, I'd caught a couple episodes of just about every show on the network and a clear winner had emerged as my favorite - reZoned. reZoned profiles several examples of adaptive reuse (in this case, converting something not intended for residential use into a home). You see people converting old factories, firehouses, churches, etc into really cool living spaces. Some of them have terrible taste in interior decorating, but to each his own. The concept it still very intriguing to me.

reZoned is on twice a week - Wednesday and Sunday evenings. I often miss both of these viewing times and, since I've yet to commit to a DVR (Time Warner, Tivo, ReplayTV, MythTV, etc), I'm out of luck. So, I hit up Google to see if maybe there's a DVD where I can catch up on my reZoned goodness (especially since I know there are 2 or 3 episodes that take place in my hometown of Binghamton, NY). Mind you, the show itself isn't that great. The camera work, the editing, and the host are kind of annoying. But host Tony Frassrand is a saint compared to George Gray, the annoying douchebag on What's With That House? I think it would be a wise business move for HGTV to fire all of the hosts and replace them with, I don't know, robots, men in monkey suits that just jump up and down and point, anything. But I digress...

My search led me to Amazon. Not surprising, since Amazon has expanded to become a retailer of just about everything under the sun. I didn't realize that Amazon had a digital video download service called Unbox. I vaguely remember reading months ago about some big Amazon development that was still under wraps (though it was rumored to be just such a service). Apparently I missed the big advertising campaign, along with the link under the "Books, Music & Movies" section of Amazon that reads, "Unbox Video Downloads."

So, they have ten episodes available from the 2006 season of reZoned. Cool, I'll download two of them at $1.99/ea, put them on my iPod and watch them on my commute. Unfortunately, I didn't click the link where it said I would be receiving a "video file optimized for compatible portable video players." If I had, I would have gathered that Apple iPod is not a supported player. Of course not. I mean, who's ever heard of an iPod? It would be much better to provide content for the Archos AV 700 or the Toshiba MEV30K. Those things are selling like hotcakes. Maybe since Windows XP is the only operating system that the Unbox software will run on, Amazon didn't see any point in catering to the Mac crowd. I'm guessing it really had something to do with converting the videos to MPEG-4 and getting all of the digital rights management crap playing nicely with the iPod. I don't know.

Well, I have a couple of Windows XP computers, so I'll go ahead and download the software. I run the installer and get this: "Error 1720: There is a problem with this Windows Installer Package. A script required for this install to complete could not be run. Contact your support personnel or package vendor." I download the software again, same deal. I try clearing out the temp files, no go. I talk to Amazon support on the phone and they tell me that they will have to forward my issue to the digital video group, which can only be contacted via e-mail, so I should expect a response the next day.

I get a response and it tells me to reinstall some Windows components and try again, which I did to no avail. I decided to try another computer to see if it would install, and it did. It looked like it was going to take a long time to download the videos. I'm not sure that a 30-minute show needs to take up 424 MB of disk space. If the ads have been removed (as I should hope they are), it would actually only be 18-22 minutes of video (source: Wikipedia). Maybe if they had used MPEG-4 compression it would have been smaller. I install the software on my laptop as well (I'm still not sure why it won't work on my primary home PC), wait for the downloads to complete, and bwa-bwa-bwaaaaah... the videos will not play. They tell me to try again later. Yeah, maybe it just needs some time to fix itself. I try on the other computer with the Unbox software and get the same message. What a suckfest.

I Googled "amazon unbox" to see what other people might be saying about the service. The first two hits are for Amazon.com. The third-ranked result is an article on BoingBoing titled, Amazon Unbox to customers: Eat shit and die. And that's just the response to the terms-of-service.

Now, I realize that my experience might be the exception. I have read a few blogs that say they love the service. Of course, those blogs also had Amazon affiliate links and said things like, "Amazon has thought outside the box and brought a welcome face to online movie rental. Don't wait for movies by the mailbox, shop Unbox today!" [Digital Journal] I, on the other hand, have an Amazon affiliate link on this page and am telling you how terrible their product is. How's that for reverse psychology?

Anyway, I'm guessing that I'm not the only person that has had trouble with this service. When it comes to digital media, in a large part due to the introduction of the iPod, people expect this shit to just work. And when you're competing with a major player like Apple, a company that knows how to make products that "just work," there's no room for error, or they're going to mop the floor with you.

My e-mail to Amazon customer service:

I am still receiving an Error 1720 when installing the Amazon Unbox software on my computer. I've followed the steps outlined in my response from Amazon Customer Service (turn off antivirus, reinstall Windows Installer 3.1, Windows Script 5.6, .NET Framework 2.0, Microsoft Update for DRM-enabled Media Players, and the Unbox software).

I was able to install the software on two other computers and download the two videos I ordered. But on both computers after clicking Play, I receive the error message "Unable to play file, please try again later." I've tried again later. And then later. Same error.

So, please tell me how to resolve this issue or refund my order. Since I haven't actually viewed any of the videos, I don't think that should be a problem.

My entire Unbox experience has been very poor. This is disappointing coming from Amazon, I company that I've supported for a long time. Unbox doesn't even support iPods. So, the ability to use a portable media player appeals to a very slim segment of the market. It's sad to see a digital video service like this turn out to be such a flop. More and more people are going to be getting their video content through the internet. Too bad they won't be getting it from Unbox - a good idea with piss poor execution.

Thanks for your assistance.

Sincerely,

Paul Kieper